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Sorry Bout Dat

September 18, 2013

Sorry about the slight delay in re-blogging, or whatever. If my first blog ever didn’t make any sense, it’s because I had a vague idea for a novel, which has since grown heartily in my undergrowth and given fruit. I’m even more determined now than i was then to write it, but there are a few problems:

Problem 1

The boy. The boy is a big problem. I’ve kicked him out, officially, but he’s always here anyway. He stays with his Mrs most nights, but she goes to work about nine, so he invariably turns up here about ten and starts doing his washing, or something even more distracting and/or annoying. He has a perfectly good flat of his own in Horseforth, the posh part of town, with a perfectly good washing machine – he’s thirty years old, for God’s sake – but, no, he always has to come here every morning to launder his kit, the insensitive, inconsiderate little bastard. From walking in to fucking off again, he can take two or three hours out of my day.

Problem 2

Jag. jag is becoming a major problem. Jagga has MS, requires 24-hour, round-the-clock care, has special needs and thinks I’m the man to oblige. When I first met him, he had just caught MS and fallen out with his Mrs, walked with a stick and had therefore lost his job as a stage hand. Apart from that, everything in the garden was rosy. His circumstances conspired to send him a large redundancy payment and the price of nearly half a house all in one go. I’d just sold my memoir Urban Grimshaw and the Shed Crew to some mug publishers, so we both had shit-loads of cash and ended up going on the piss together for two years.

The money and mobility has since dried up, until now he can barely get from his wheelchair in to his telly-watching chair. He was a good boozing buddy to me back in the day so I don’t blame him for all the evil deeds he must have committed in previous lives to make himself disable. [Based on research carried out by the


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